Growing Up
by hanahakighost
Summary: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon - Adam is sorry for a lot of things, including liking someone he should have never liked. Adam will always be sorry.


**As I get older I also worsen.**

 **I used to be a better person. Growing into a constant burden.**

* * *

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight knew better than to _ever_ fall for someone in the high-brackets of the school's very own society.

But that never stopped him.

* * *

"Y'know Lawrence Gordon? I heard him and Lynn Denlon are dating," His best friend Amanda Young, or Mandy, said. Of course Adam knew about Lawrence Gordon. How could he not? Adam was practically in love with him. And of course, Mandy, made sure to remind him every so often just how much Adam was infatuated with Lawrence. "Adam, are you even listening to me?," Amanda sighed, looking at him slightly annoyed. "Hm? Oh! Yeah, yeah I'm listening," Adam replied, though Amanda knew he wasn't. She cocked her head at him, "Usually you're not so zoned out. What's up?" He dismissed her voiced worries with a wave of his hand, shaking his head. "It's nothing," Adam lied, giving her a crooked smile.

She frowned, not really believing him, but dropping it anyway. "Speak of the devils, they're coming our way," Mandy scoffed, nodding her head at Lawrence and Lynn, whose hands were intertwined. Lawrence was smiling at Lynn, happily, which in turn made Adam's heart thump. Lynn saw Adam and Mandy first, making her way over to them, with Lawrence in tow. "Hey, Mandy!," Lynn greeted, smiling brightly at Mandy. Mandy gave a small wave, flustered. They had one class together in which they were partners last year, so it's surprising to Mandy that Lynn would even glance her way this year. Adam felt something stir inside of him and he knew it wasn't good. He often got this way when he was annoyed or feeling empty- He wanted to be mean to Lynn. He desperately wanted to hurt her, but refrained from it by standing up and walking off without a word.

Adam's brain itched for a smoke, feeling their stares at the back of his head. He wanted to hurt _something._ He knew he wouldn't, though, so he opted for smoking and taking pictures. He walked to his secret place, and took out his camera and cigarette. He lit his cigarette immediately and inhaled the smoke. He missed this. Ever since school started up again, he's been too busy to have a smoke, which stressed him out more than school itself. Maybe he should drop out, he thought. Just as quickly as the thought entered his mind, he dismissed it. Mandy and Scott would definitely pester him until he had no choice to stay in school. He frowned, thinking of ways to ditch school without his parents finding out. His old of excuse of having diarrhea just wouldn't work with them anymore. He felt his phone vibrate and glanced down at it, seeing a message from Scott. He ignored it, feeling annoyed at the thought of having to answer any messages.

Adam stood up, stepping on his cigarette and decided to go on a photography adventure.

* * *

Adam knew he was going to be yelled at the second he walked through his front doors. After all, ditching school to go take pictures of people just isn't allowed in his household. "Adam Faulkner-Stanheight!," His mother yelled, making him close his eyes in pain. He knew he was in for the full lecture when she used his second last name. Adam forced himself to act casual as he walked into the kitchen where his father and mother were standing. His little sister, Jane, was watching, smirking at Adam, like every time she did when he got in trouble. "Hey-," He barely got the words out before his mother went on her tirade. "Do you know how stupid you're being by skipping school? Do you know how much trouble you're in? Do you?," She yelled at Adam in one breath, staring him down. Adam couldn't help himself when he went, "Oh no, I have no _idea_ how much trouble I'm in, mom." It was sarcastic and bitter and it was Adam. Though he wished he didn't say it because the second it left his mouth, his father stood up. He could deal with his mother, but not his father. "Did you just talk back to your mother?," He growled at Adam. His sister's eyes widened and she quickly left the kitchen. "I-I'm sorry, I'm just having a bad day," Adam apologized and he felt stupid for even doing so. His father narrowed his eyes at him but didn't say anything else before leaving the kitchen. "Don't let it happen again," His mother sighed, before following his father. He went upstairs into his room and fell on his bed.

Adam was tired of being the disappointment to his family. His older siblings never caused much trouble and neither did his little sister. He had no doubt in his mind that his parents are just as tired of him as he is of himself. He was just _very tired._ Adam groaned, hiding his face behind his hands. A knock on the door shook him out of his thoughts, as he called out, "Come in." "Tomorrow is Saturday and your father's birthday, we're going out to eat. Behave yourself and dress nicely, got it?," His mother said from the doorway before closing the door. He felt something stir inside of himself again. He wanted to hurt someone.

Instead, he took a nap.

* * *

His sleep schedule was very messed up because now it was Saturday and before he knew it, he was at the restaurant. "Are you ready?," Jane asked him, tying her shoes and flattening her dress as she got out of the car, staring at the nice restaurant. Adam looked down at his own clothes and compared them to what his father would consider nice. "No," Adam answered but got out of the car anyway. His father stood beside him and Jane and Adam was reminded of how much he didn't resemble his father in the slightest. "Behave yourself Adam," His father reminded him with an accusatory tone. Adam resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

As they were seated, Adam immediately took the seat next to Jane to avoid his parents. "What will you all have to drink?," A voice that sounded familiar asked. A chorus of water's echoed from his family's mouth, with his order being, "Coke." It painfully stood out and he could feel his family's eyes on him. "Oh, we don't have coke. Is Pepsi okay?," The waiter asked and he didn't move his eyes from the menu. 'No, Pepsi isn't okay. If I wanted Pepsi, I'd ask for a Pepsi,' is what Adam wanted to say but instead, "Water then if that's okay." "Alright, I'll be right back." "Coca-Cola? Really?," His mother sighed, but smiled at him to let Adam know she wasn't actually angry at him. It was times like these, that he felt normal.

In a normal relationship with his parents. His father laughed, too. It was like being a child again. He wasn't a screw-up. It was ruined when he looked up at the waiter for the first time. His eyes widened. "Oh! Hey Adam!," He greeted. "H-Hey, Lawrence," Adam greeted, unsure of what else to say.

Adam, for the first time in a _long_ time, prayed to whatever god there might be to just strike him dead.


End file.
